


Playlist Shuffle

by orphan_account



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Ex-Wife reader, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:23:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10907730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Prologue

"Good morning family!" cried Jerry as he sat down at the table where his wife, daughter and father-in-law sat.

Silence greeted him so he huffed, picking up his fork and beginning to shovel in the pancakes Beth had cooked for breakfast that morning. As he did so, his son Morty stumbled down the stairs, rubbing the sleep from his dark-circled eyes. Flopping into his seat, Morty tripped and ended up faceplanting his plate of food.

"Woah, Morty, are you alright?" questioned Beth.

Morty lifted his head, syrup on his cheeks, "Y-Yeah M-Mom, I-I ju-just d-didn't g-ge-get a l-lot of s-sl-sleep la-last n-ni-night. R-Rick's b-been w-want-wanting to g-go on m-more adventures since p-pris-prison."

"Oh, blame it all on me! I-I'm just trying to be a good grandpa, teaching him and shit. Y-you realise you w-waste-"

"-half your time sleeping. You've said that before, Grandpa Rick."

"Shut up Summer-"

"DAD!"

"-You can't say shit. You snuck out last night to go to a party."

"SUMMER!" shouted Jerry.

"I did not!"

"Y-Yeah, you did Summer. Y-You h-had a c-couple of c-condoms in y-your p-purse."

"SUMMER!"

"Morty, you snitch!"

"Summer! What have I told you about sleeping around!"

"You did it when you were my age!"

"Y-Yeah, well look at how your mother turned out. Tied to the biggest biatch in the universe."

"GRANDPA!"

"DAD!"

"RICK!"

As the argument escalated into madness, no one noticed the slowly opening portal forming on the ceiling.

"DAD PLEASE!"

"L-Look Beth, it's not my fault that you married an idiot!"

"Hey, I am not an idiot?"

"Jerry stay out of this!"

"Yeah Dad, stay out of it. Like you always do."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

The portal was growing larger and larger as the tension in the air grew until finally, light flooded the room; blinding everyone.

When the light returned to normal, the family looked around at their dining room. The table with it's checkered surface, the windows with their hideous curtains and the floor still had the stain on it from a few meals before.

The only thing that was odd was the vaguely human shaped figure lying on the floor. When the person lifted their head only one person spoke; a whisper compared to his usual tone.

"Y/N?"


	2. Chapter One

"Ow, my fucking head," the woman who was possibly named Y/N groaned as she sat up.

“Dad,” Beth hissed, “Who the hell is that?”

“T-That is my ex-wife, Y/N.”

“Dad! You cheated on Mom?”

“Oh my God Grandpa Rick!”

“S-Shut u-uurp-p S-Summer. Beth, t-that is your Mom!”

The silence was deafening as Rick stood up and walked past the table to further inspect the woman slowly getting up. The woman on the ground shuffled as she slithered on the ground, grasping at the carpet for something to hold onto firmly as she was far away from any furniture.

Rick sighed and knelt down slowly next to her, ignoring his daughter’s hissing at him to get up. As her face turned to look at him he groaned.

Of fucking course, it had to be his wife that fell through the ceiling.

“Yep, it’s her.”

“Dad, my mom’s name was Diane Sanchez, not Y/N. I don’t know what you’re joking about but that’s not Mom.”

“Yeah, Rick. Stop being a-“

“-Jerry shut your fucking mouth you muppet reject.”

“Can you fight later? Grandpa Rick just who is she?”

“She has a name,” grumbled the woman as she pulled herself up, “It’s Y/N L/N.”

“Which dimension?”

“C-137. Not this one obviously, sorry random stranger- Oh, for fuck’s sake, Rick?”

“The one and only, biatch."

Y/N leapt up and grabbed his lab coat, "What dimension are you from?"

"C-137 and nice to see ya too. Nice to see your tits are still perky."

"Why the fuck are you in this dimension?"

"Wait, Dad, you're not from this dimension?"

"Morty and me died in this dimension, fucked up our own so we came over here."

"MORTY! DAD! YOU DIED?"

"Beth shut up! Jesus fucking Christ I'm trying to talk to your mother!"

"Hey leave my wife-"

"SHUT UP JERRY!" screamed father and daughter simultaneously.

"Who the fuck are these people Rick and why am I here?"

"What the fuck do you mean-"

"-Exactly as I said."

"I don't know why you-uurp are here you dumb bitch, why the fuck are you here?"

Y/N leant back and let go, turning to inspect the shocked normal-looking family sat at the breakfast table. The father was an average looking man with brown hair and an awful polo shirt in green with a tan line across his torso. The mother had well-done blonde hair in a simple wavy style and a similar outfit to her husband; a burgundy polo shirt and a matching ring. The son was small and looked similar to his father; their colouring was the same, he was wearing a canary yellow t-shirt and had his mouth open with a stupid look on his face. His presumably sister was tall, wearing a pink tank top and her phone had dropped out of her hand onto the table.

Overall a normal family, so why the fuck were they involved with Rick?

"I don't know either. All I know is that I was in my home country in 1977 watching Aerosmith when your-"

"Wait mine?"

"It was, you dickhead, so obviously it's yours. Only Rick's use green portals so why the fuck am I hear?"

"I don't know so go the fuck home."

"Fine I will," she turned and reached into her pocket for something, Rick facepalming as she did so.

"WAIT!"

The two paused and looked at the woman who had stood up at the table.

"Dad, explain what you meant about her being my mom."

"Easy, she's your mother. Nothing to it."

"Okay...Dad this isn't funny."

"This is why we should have put him in a home, Beth."

"JERRY!"

"Uh, oh j-jeez Rick, is t-that real-really Gran-Grandma?"

Y/N sighed, "Rick, that is not our Beth so I'm gonna go. It was shit to see you again. Sorry for crashing in dudes." She then pulled something out of her pocket, pointing it at the ceiling and clicking the button...

And then clicked it again.

And again.

Obviously upset with the results she threw it at the wall, leaving a small dent, screaming as she gripped her hair, "FUCK!"

"See, this is what you get for messing with time."

She turned around and stuck her middle finger up at him, "Fuck you. I made a portal first."

"Yeah and then you got stuck and left me with our daughter."

"It's not my-"

"Of course it's your fuckin' fault motherfucker."

"Is not."

"It fucking was."

"Was not."

"Was too."

"Was-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Beth shouted, the couple looked at her, "Now tell me what the fuck is going on!"


	3. Chapter Two

The family were sat at one end of the table, staring at the woman on the other end, watching her like she was an animal in a zoo. The woman was much younger than Rick. _Much_ younger. With beautiful Y/C hair in a rock hairstyle, dark lined eyes and dark lips, a leather jacket, skinny black jeans and a tank top with lace up boots with a heel; Y/N L/N was definitely not the sort of woman who would be a grandmother

"So...Mrs?" Jerry inquired.

Y/N scoffed, "I ain't married, fuck nugget."

"Technically you still are, biatch."

"Suck my clit you car wreck of a fossil."

"Never again you old hag."

"GROSS! M-MOM DON'T L-LET HI-HIM SAY THAT!"

"EW! GRANDPA RICK!" Summer shouted but didn't take her eyes off of her phone as she tapped away at her screen.

"Dad, please."

"It's her fault," Rick grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away like an angsty teenager.

"You are such a fucking child," she rolled her eyes when he poked his tongue out.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Beth shouted above the noise of the bickering, standing up abruptly with her fists hitting the table.

The two stopped talking and settled back into their chairs on the opposite sides of the table and their attention was on their daughter.

Beth sighed and settled down, "I want to know what's really been going on. Who is she, Dad? How and why is she here?"

"I told you, your mother."

"So why is she here?"

"Dunno, ask her."

"Okay, where did she come from?"

"Not where, when."

"...Excuse me?"

"He's right. I'm a time traveller."

"That's not possible."

"Really?" Y/N asked, "Your douchebag father ventures around the fucking dimensions and has probably dragged his shitty life into this hell hole. You know what, I bet Rick has taken you all across space and through the dimensions!"

No one replied so she cackled, "Of fucking course he did!"

"HEY, FUCK YOU!"

"FUCK YOU? NO WAY IN HELL WOULD I DO THAT SHIT AGAIN!"

"WHY THE FUCK NOT?"

"You wanna know why? One, your dick is tiny. Two, for all of the shit you know you still don't know how to give a woman an orgasm. Finally, three-"

"-FINALLY?"

"I WANNA KEEP THE LIST SHORT! I GOT SHIT TO DO!"

"FUCK OFF AND DO IT THEN YOU U-UURP-UPPITY BIATCH!"

"DAD! SHUT UP!"

"And three, you're a one-inch wonder-"

"-Am not-"

"-One pump chump," she finished quickly with a pop.

Beth simply groaned and sunk into her chair, slapping Jerry's hands away when he tried to comfort her.

Summer sighed and placed her phone on the table to look at her Grandfather, "How about you explain how you think she's our grandmother, okay?" She then picked her phone back up.

The family and the time traveller stared at her in silence, watching her movements.

"What?"

"S-Summer, that's a-a g-great i-idea."

They looked at Rick expectantly.

He sighed, "Fine. It was a long time ago and... holy shit, I am way too sober for this."

"Just tell the story, Rick."

"Jerry fuck off."

Before Jerry could say anything in reply, Beth spoke, "Fine, I'll get you a drink _after_ you start the story."

Y/N on the other side of the table rolled her eyes and pulled a lighter out of her breast pocket and a joint out of her left boot, lighting it and beginning to smoke it; completely ignored by the Smiths as Rick began to tell his story.


	4. Chapter Three

"What is the meaning of life? I ain't even a doctor and I've done nothing to gain me a doctorate. I'm stuck in a dead end job teaching stuck up shits and drinking shitty coffee so I don't pass out, get fired and can't pay my rent."

"Mr Sanchez that's all well and good but please get off my desk," sighed the principal without taking his eyes away from the man laid on his desk as he marked his student's work, "Last period hours ago and you never do your own work, so go home, Rick."

"But I have so m-much-"

"Go home, Rick."

With a string of curses, Rick flounced out of the room, his keys and wallet in his pocket, and headed to the bar half a mile away from his house that he slept in the apartment above it.

A shitty bartending job was the only way he could keep a roof over his head beside his teaching job and continue work on his idea of teleportation. Of course, everyone in the science community thought he was batshit insane and so they didn't support him. Ergo, he couldn't get a doctorate.

The good part about both jobs is the flexible hours. Well, not really flexible but it was better for the school if the guy wasn't just flat out drunk all the time so he could leave anytime. He stayed for the free food, free coffee and basically all the other free shit.

So now Rick would have to deal with shitty customers for hours.

And oh would you look at that?

It's raining.

 _Fuck my life._  
"Hey, buddy, a couple more beers for me and the guys!" crowed the leader of the obvious frat boys that were perched in the middle of the bar, a wide space devoid of life around them. They were eyeing up the group from a hen party who's car had broken down just outside and were waiting at the other end of the bar with fruity cocktails and bunny ears; giggling drunkenly about the older man behind the bar.

"Excuse me but do you know how to make this one drink I had in a bar in Texas?"

"No."

"It was really fruity with a hint of spice and was multi-layered with various shades of green and a red swirl in the middle," the customer, a young man dressed in the latest trends asked. He ran a hand through his jewfro as he did so.

Rick sighed and left the guy to talk to thin air so he could deal with the lovely transvestite hookers; Ruth and Connie.

"Hey girls, what'll it be?"

And the night carried on as it always had; him alone working the bar and ending up alone in his bed with only good old leftie to keep him company.  
That morning Rick went to sleep in his wife beater, a hand on the tv remote, drool dripping out of his mouth, jizz drying in the tissues surrounding his ankles on the floor and the tv blaring white noise in the background.

Nothing could disturb him or so he thought.

At 3 am a hole in his ceiling, cerulean blue in colour covered the entirety of his living room and spit out a young woman straight on top of him.

"OW!"

"HEY WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"


	5. Chapter 4

The disgruntled woman on his lap stated, "Y/N L/N, how you doing?"

"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN MY APARTMENT YOU CRAZY DOUCHE!"

"Time travel, duh."

"Time travel?"

"Yeah. I didn't figure out portals so I worked on time travel. Tell you what, it's fucking easy to make a portal but to get it right? That's like trying to land on an Asian's dick after jumping off a plane nude."

"...So I don't make portals?"

"Are you called Archibald?"

"No."

"Then no, you didn't," she stood up off of his lap and he sat there slowly processing what she had just said as she began to explore his apartment.

After what seemed like an eternity, he roared whilst pulling his hair, "FUCK!"

Y/N popped her head around the doorway which lead to the kitchen, "What?"

"I DON'T INVENT THE THING I'VE FUCKING WASTED MY LIFE ON! MY LIFE HAS NO MEANING!"

She snorted, "Welcome to the club," and ducked back into the kitchen.

He let his head fall into his hands and the only sounds in the apartment were Y/N's munching on something and his sobs.  
After what seemed like an eternity, Rick followed the racket in his kitchen to find the mess that lay within it.

Y/N had managed to empty most of his drawers, cupboards and fridge onto a pile on the floor where she was sat in it like a nest and was fiddling with his microwave, a spoon and the metal covering from his window because he didn't want to pay for curtains.

"The fuck are you doing?"

"I'm trying to re-calibrate my time stick."

"Time stick?"

"I made it out of an old vibrator. The hyper rabbit 9000. Fucking fantastic for the old lonely nights where my hands aren't any good."

"Okay...So why the fuck are you using m-my m-microwave?"

"I need to recalibrate it. I dropped it on your floor. Also...I'm sorry about your existential crisis and shit."

"Pfft, I don't give a shit."

She quirked an eyebrow and then bashed the microwave with her knee, "Sure. So what are you going to do now?"

"Dunno."

He then proceeded to lay down, open a pack of crisps and pour it into his mouth.

More time passed before Y/N groaned, tossed the microwave over her shoulder and kicked Rick in the head as he began to pass out.

"What?"

"You know, no one's invented inter-dimensional travel yet."

"So?"

"Do what you will with that magnificent bit of information."

"...Okay."

She kicked him again, "Be grateful, I've given you a meaning to life. Shut the fuck up you cocky little asshole."

His snores filled the room so she curled up on the food pile and went to sleep as well.


	6. Chapter Five

When Rick woke up he only had one question on his mind, well he had a few but his most overbearing thought was about his life. What was he to do now that portals were invented by someone that wasn't him?

Y/N stirred in her sleep, the bag of peas now mushed under her head and lacking the chill they held earlier in the night, "Wassat?"

"Go back to sleep you mad bitch."

"Why, where are you going?"

He grunted and slowly wandered into the living room without answering her question. He bent down and began collecting up the pieces of his failed invention, bit by bit; watching his dreams crumble before his eyes. Each piece of metal, a length of wire and bolt or screw was a now ruined memory and a wasted paycheck. He put them on his chair and when most of it was picked up he headed back into the kitchen and pulled out a large tarp from a hole in the wall and dragged it out, regardless of the woman's eyes following his movements before she moved to follow him.

After heaving all of the stuff onto the tarp he tied it and began to drag it out of the apartment and down the stairs.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm going out. You are staying here."

"I think the fuck not you old cunt."

He sighed and rolled his eyes.

_This is going to be a nightmare._


	7. Chapter Six

Mortimer's junkyard was a frequent hang out spot for Rick. He picked out metal for parts, found tools and found scraps of plans that other men had dreamed up but never fulfilled. The family business held many scrap cars, glass shards from bottles and other random items. Years had turned metal into rust and then into ashes, probably because of Mortimer's drug making habits. The junkyard was a cover for the meth lab and other drugs grown in a greenhouse on the grounds, the smell covered up by the stagnant aroma that stayed that the police couldn't find it.

Which is exactly why Rick came here so often.

"Hey, Morty! You here dude?" Rick called out as he climbed over the mounds of trash and heaved the bag over his shoulder, using his free hand to grapple. "I got shit to talk about that ain't our bet!"

"The fuck is your bet?" Y/N asked as she followed behind him, tripping as she went.

"If I have a kid, I'm gonna have to name him Morty if Mortimer dies before me."

"What if you have a girl?"

"Morticia or some shit, I dunno and I don't care. I got shit riding on this."

"What you got riding on this?"

"If I win, by dying before he does, he has to wear a cock costume covered in dick cheese for the rest of his goddamn life and then he'll be buried in the fucking thing!"

Before Y/N could respond, Rick had frozen in a climbing position, completely tensed and the bag almost slipped from his grip. Manoeuvring around him, Y/N was met with the sight of a bloodbath in the middle of copper.

The junkyard below was a completely abandoned wasteland.


	8. Chapter Seven

"Fuck! FUCK! This has been a waste of fucking time!" screamed Rick as he kicked the mound of rubbish collecting in his apartment. His screams barely phased the woman lounging on his floor and playing around with her vibrator by swapping some of the parts for newer ones that worked and Rick couldn't use. A few times it whirred but it made no major changes so she sighed in defeat and watched the crazed man destroy his life's work.

"At least he left you money," Y/N noted as she kicked the vibrator/time machine to the side, "That's something."

"Yeah money for a fu-uurp-cking bet that he's dead for now. I was fucking looking forward to that bet. NOW IT'S FUCKING WORTHLESS!" He clutched onto his hair and pulled it away from his scalp as he fell to the floor with a final scream of, "FUCK!"

Y/N rolled her eyes and stood up, brushing herself off before squatting down next to Rick.

He looked up at her, snarled and averted his gaze.

The time traveler sighed, put a hand on his shoulder and asked, "You know what? He's left you loads of money. You can get out of here, go explore the world so what do you want to do you crazy ass bitch?"

Rick rolls his shoulders, burps and locks eyes with her before stating, "Fuck it. Let's go to Vegas."


	9. Chapter Eight

"Wait, wait, wait!" Jerry cried, "You two went to Vegas?"

"Yeah, Jerry, 'cause _some of us_ have lives. Now shut your retard-whore mouth and let me get on with the fu-uurp-cking story."

"Yeah, Terry because Rick here's panties wad up if he doesn't get his own way," Y/N muttered whilst he fiddled with her time machine on the sofa using parts that she had scavenged from the fridge, microwave and general electrical appliances strewn around the house.

"My name's Jer-"

"Oh that's rich from the card-counting bitch who's anxiety gave away the game!" Rick spat, punctuating his sentence with a sip of beer.

A snort from Y/N caused the tension between the two to increase even further so she retorted, "Really, dickwad? Because as I recall you couldn't handle your drink and you puked over the casino boss!"

"BOO HOO! IF HE DIDN'T WANT PE-UURP-OPLE TO GET SICK, HE WOULDN'T SERVE ALCOHOL!"

"WASN'T HIS FAULT YOU'RE SUCH A LITTLE BITCH!"

"THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME-"

"-YOU HEARD ME-"

"HEY!"

The two grandparents stopped their bickering to look at their daughter, Beth in silence, watching as she stood from the table and Jerry in turn scuttled out of her way.

"None of this makes any sense. First of all, Mom, why the fuck did you use a sex toy for a time machine in the first place," when her mother opened her mouth she interrupted, "I don't care at the moment. And Dad, if she's such a bad person why haven't you called someone?"

"'Cause your mother has great tits, even in old age."

"FUCK YOU SMALL DICK RICK!"

"FUCK YOU? I WOULD IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A GAPING CU-"

"GRANDPA!" Summer shouted to interrupt him because she really didn't want to know.

Rolling his eyes, Rick sank back into his chair and took another sip of his beer.

"Shall I continue?" proposed Y/N. At Beth's nod she began, "Okay, well we went to Vegas and we cheated on multiple games, got loads of money and after we had been taken up to the casino boss' office, Rick after having too much Tequila had puked over him like the girl from the Exorcist and we were left alone..."


	10. Chapter Nine

**You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen**

Currently, our two heroes were tied up.

Not in a kinky way, Y/N and Rick Sanchez had been caught cheating an hour ago and they wouldn't even be here if Rick hadn't puked out all of the Tequila onto the casino owner's 'one of a kind' Monet that was actually a cheap replica with peeling paint. This had caused the thugs to beat the shit out of Rick as 'interrogation' and when he didn't say anything more than 'suck my dick you wannabe-nazis', they threw them into a storage room, locked the door and so they were now sat back to back with a rope lazily tied to their wrists, his right to her left. So really, they weren't that tied up as in they couldn't escape without a lot of effort but it was a mild inconvenience for Rick who had previously tried to have a wank at which Y/N had held her arm above her head so he couldn't with the short length of the rope.

**Friday night and the lights are low  
Looking out for the place to go  
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing  
You come in to look for a king**

"You know, if I never hear this shit again it will be too fuckin' soon," groaned Rick, surprisingly audible despite the puffy lip and swollen cheek that almost

"Yeah? If we live through this, I will play it on your death bed, when you are dying this song will be the last fucking thing you hear," Y/N threw back over her shoulder.

"God, you're such a bitch."

"It's called: I'm getting to my period and will shove a bloody tampon right up your...wait a minute," Y/N's eyes went wide as she trailed off, shuffling to kneel at his left side, "Do you see that?"

"See what?"

"That," she used their linked hands to point at a small pile of metal parts and assorted items, including her vibrator/time-machine and a small hand-held vacuum cleaning device with a hole in it.

**Anybody could be that guy  
Night is young and the music's high  
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine  
You're in the mood for a dance  
And when you get the chance...**

"That? What do you want us to do? "

"You've been working on portals for a long time, now's your fucking chance to make something to get us out."

"Why don't you do it?"

"B-Because I don't have the main ingredient for my time machine. Hence why it's just a useless vibrator, I can't even get it to whir anymore."

"So what?"

"I am so p-pissed from the b-bar I can barely rem-remember how to make a portal gun but with what's here," Y/N cut herself off to put the vaccuum in his lap.

"We can make one?"

She nodded and began to fling the parts she didn't need into a far corner of the closet-like room.

**You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine**

"CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THERE!" a guard shouted, gently rocking to ABBA as he did so with his head bopping to the beat. "THE BOSS WILL BE BACK IN FIVE TO TALK TO YOU!"

**You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen**

"Alright lay your sock on the floor to soak it up-"

"How the f-uurp-ck are we gon-gonna make sure it stays in a ball?"

"Use the elastic from my panties dickwad...Yeah, ya may have to use your teeth."

**You're a teaser, you turn 'em on  
Leave them burning and then you're gone  
Looking out for another, anyone will do  
You're in the mood for a dance  
And when you get the chance...**

As the casino boss approached the room, a lime green light began to glow from beneath the door and disappeared along with the constant drunk ramblings and tinkering of electricity.

**You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen**

So when the casino owner opened the door, the only things that remained were the elastic from her underwear and his right sock.


	11. Chapter Ten

"So... Where the fuck are we?" asked Rick, gazing around the metal room, only a fraction bigger than the closet they had been in where Y/N's underwear elastic and his sock were left. Sheets of rusted chrome lay crooked on other sheets of various metals in states of decay. The room was mainly empty behind them, without a door and no sign of escape, although they hadn't checked all of the space around them.

"How should I know? You're the time traveller!"

"Yeah, it's in the fucking name 'time' traveller. Wherever we are, this isn't a time I'm familiar with."

"Now wait just a fuckin'-"

"Greetings!"

The two humans let out a scream in surprise, equally unmanly and girlish in tone, as they clung onto each other in half hungover fear and panic over their unknown surroundings.

The creature that had greeted them in surprisingly clear English was a medium height blob of jelly-like consistency with a gaping hole for a mouth and small blinking specks of green set deep in the jelly that resembled the eyes of a spider. Or they would if the eyes didn't roll around the almost see-through yellow body. The two arms attached to the creature waved frantically above his head before one fell off.

A heavy sigh caught the attention of the frantic human duo on the floor and when they turned they watched the large insectoid walk over to them and grab the arm off the floor before addressing the two, "At least you met us and not a species like Sternutate Dolo." He then slapped the blob with the arm, watching as it sunk into the mustard depths of his mass and then slid back into position by popping out of the side it had been on before.

"Yeah! The last humans who met them died of shock!"

The two humans blinked at the joyous blob and watched as the insectoid face-palmed once more, his leather vest shifting as he moved.

"By the way, I'm Jello Osmium Hydrogen Nth but you can call me JOHN, I was an experiment on earth by someone who wanted to create a character from a movie who was called BOB. I can't tell you what Nth is because...I don't know what it is. Also! This is Flomborkulous Jordan, a rebel Gromflomite!"

It was at that moment, Y/N realised that JOHN had fucked up. Pointing to Flomborkulous Jordan whilst being only up to his waist meant that the blob didn't point to his friend's general being, his wings, his vaguely creepy face with huge red fly eyes and pincers. No, instead JOHN pointed to the Gromflomite's groin where there were two large separate-

"Balls. Holy shit dude you have massive nuts."

Rolling her eyes, Y/N decided to ignore the freaked out first-time traveller and instead asked JOHN, "Okay, one question, why did you pick us up from the casino?"

"Casino? What casino? All we saw was a pile of rubble, right?" the blob wiggled in place, a shrug of sorts, "The only thing that was there were you two, your weird purple thing and the hand-held device."

"This doesn't make any sense, unless..." Y/N trailed off, looking deep in thought with her face screwed up in concentration.

"Unless what?"

"Quick question," she began, her voice edging on a nervous tone, "You're from different planets, right? So who is currently the leader or sheriff of Ranch World?"

"Sheriff of Ranch World? There's not been a sheriff for the last fifty years ever since the death of the old one, they decided not to get a new one and became a presidency."

"-Not just big gonads, dude y-your testicles must be holding massive amounts of-"

"RICK! Rick listen to me, okay?" she took his face in her hands in order to make him focus on her, squishing his cheeks and lips together to stop him talking, "We were at the hotel but now we're not. This isn't just a portal, it's a fucking dimension portal!"

"What? You've got to be shitting me?"

"Listen, I'm a time traveller and I have done a lot of shit. Also a lot of people. One of those guys worked for the government in Area 50 - something. Anyway, bottom line? I've met aliens before. In this world, there's never been a Sheriff of Ranch World, a planet based on Western films, for fifty years so that means we're not in the same world yet we were in the same spot. So, basically, we must have travelled dimensions!"

"So... W-what does that mean now?"

"You're not going to like this but, we gotta help these guys so they can help us get home and get on with our lives."

Rick exhaled heavily before unnaturally calmly turning and requesting, "We'll help you if we can get our stuff back."

Flomborkulous Jordan tapped a claw against the side of his head thoughtfully before nodding to his companion. The small blob waved his arms around before crowing, "Welcome to the rebellion! If you get caught, you will be tortured and killed by the Federation!"

"Wait, what?"


	12. Chapter Eleven

"Oh for fuck's sake!"

After a few months of training that should have been put in Rocky training, the two had become solid friends and had been sent on their first mission together for a mysterious and mystical object named the Container Of Time. It had not been seen for thousands of years but it could be, if the resistance's researchers were correct, the end to the Federation.

Of course, the only reason they sent to human scientists was to get them out of the numerous bars and illegal rings that the resistance had. That and the portal device that Rick and refined in the months past to look a little neater.

One early morning, forced into space age spandex, they were sent off to an unknown universe to get the only inconsistency in any universe.

* * *

A sock. The two had been sent for a woolen sock.

Rick and Y/N had battled worms made of liquid nitrogen, sacrificed their dignity and even ate a puppy to survive. Okay, they didn't eat a puppy but they did have to eat vile things in order to survive the trek to the temple that may or may not exist in another universe. They had trudged through waist high unmentionable liquids in sweltering humidity in ridiculous white spandex (well for Rick it was a normal jump suit but for Y/N it happened to be a boob enhancing sex glove of awkwardness that kept unbuckling to expose her, a pair of shorts that rode up her vag and her heeled boots which were incredibly wobbly).

They had been de-briefed that the 'Container Of Time' was practically useless unless it touched a living organism. Which it did when Rick almost immediately picked up the sock(gloved as he had been when he set out for the mission) and launched it at Y/N (completely ungloved).

Clumsily, she caught it and held it with one hand and supporting it on her time travel device that had been broken for months.

* * *

"S-So what happened?" questioned Morty as Rick stopped telling the tale.

Summer and Morty had been watching his fairly youthful 'grandmother' strip the television of any useful parts, careful not to look at the multiple bottles of wine now littering the floor next to their mother's feet. Jerry had left for work, shooed off by his drunken wife.

"That," interjected Y/N, "Is when the disappearances began to happen."


End file.
